So, this coming Friday the 20th, is going to be a big day. I am going to the final meeting with my current civilian (I have a V.A. therapist, too) therapist before I transfer over to a gender therapist. We agreed that we had covered as much as we could before diving any deeper in the gender issues. He has plumbed as deep as he can. The depression that we worked so hard to control is being controlled by the gender issues. Until the gender issues are dealt with, the depression is going to get progressively worse.
It's going to be big because my wife is going to come with me. This is when she and I will sit down and discuss what's going to happen with our marriage.
Really, though it's my wife that has to decide what she wants to do. Is she going to stay or not. Is she lesbian or not? I'm being factious, but basically this is what it boils down to for her.
A big measure for her as well is the affect my "choice" will have on our youngest child.
To this point, my wife and I had not had a discussion where I told her exactly where I intend to head in regards to gender.
I had always told her that I was on the fence. After this past year and a half of psycho and hormonal therapy, I am ready to set off into the great unknown.
I think. Pretty sure. Positive. Yes absitively ready.
Am I excited. Sure. Am I scared? You bet. Have I given myself a sanity check everyday? What I mean is, have I asked myself, Am I sure? Really sure this is the right thing? Each time, I've answered yes. No question.
Easy for me to say, I know. I will soon be tested, I pray that I have the courage and bravery of the girls that have gone before me and that I'll do justice to the memory of the girls that didn't make it.
Ask me in a year
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