I'm not comfortable

I had an email this week telling me that I should be open and honest with my wife and myself and that I shouldn't be transitioning in secret like this. At first, I thought: What an A$$hole, how do they know what my life is like? They don't know what I'm going through and that I'm doing this way to spare my loved ones the pain that I know will visit them.
I've had some time to think about it, and I believe they are right. Also, one of my therapists agree. I'm hurting me and I'm hurting her/them by not letting them get off the fence, so to speak.

That's not all, I am tired of being comfortable with deceiving my wife. I'm afraid that it will change me at my core. I can see the end of my marriage coming up. During this time of transition, I have become a liar and a cheat, I feel.
I am not proud of that. I have learned to disguise my shame and guilt with her. I make excuses to her about why I am late or early leaving or any number of things. I have never, ever been able to let down my guard completely with her. Transitioning with an unsupportive spouse is not something I recommend.

Even though she told me we would divorce if I were anything other than 100 % male and even though I would have died had I not started to transition, this still sucks. I wanted to be able to confide in her everything. Every bit of my day and night and everything in between. To have her as my partner, someone who can comfort me when I'm feeling down like I do her. I wanted to be true to her, yet it feels like I haven't be able to be true to anyone including me and especially her.

As effed up as things are, I haven't been ready to confront my feelings or the consequences of my actions; the time to be true is near. I started the process of being true to myself about two years ago. It's time to be true to the ones I love.

Like I said in one of my earlier posts, I am the king Queen of compromises. I am also the king princess of rationalizations. I realize that being trans also means confronting and dealing with issues that require some mental flexibility. What bothers me is that this has bled over into other areas of my life and I don't like it.