The edge

A few more words on the meeting with my Wife and the therapist this past Monday. I came away from that meeting encouraged. I don't think that my wife felt the same way, but I think that it was good for me for a few reasons.

I've already explained one of them in my previous post here: now its according to plan and better . Another reason is that I've looked the end of my marriage in the face and I didn't crumble. Yes, I crumbled before and right up to the point where I told her that this is where I'm going and if you don't think that is something you can deal with, then YOU have to make a decision. Her decision was that she isn't gay. So there we are. No matter what we shared before, no matter that she knew the whole story before we got married, no matter that the gender issue didn't disappear during the 19 years we've been married. None of that matter. She isn't gay.

It is totally her right and her decision. I'm upset that it turns out this way, but I'm not mad at her. I respect the courage that it takes for her to make a stand like this, to lay this all down for something she believes in. I've loved her for this kind of courage and commitment since I've known her.

Easy to say now, but I've had a couple of days to sort through the feelings of that day and I've been upbeat since then. I've been upbeat not just because I'm going to get some time to sort through the gender issues with a qualified therapist, but that this past Monday I got to see how far her love for me went. Her love for me was unlimited as long as it conformed to her ideals and the Biblical morals that guide her.

I can now talk to her about my gender issue and not worry about what she is going to do. I know.