An apology

I was raised Catholic and practiced a typical middle American brand of Catholicism, ie: going to Church once a week; Catechism, confession, KofC, Catholic grade school and so on. It all came to a screeching halt when I was told that if I married my wife who was divorced; then I could not go to Communion. I was dumbfounded, and angry.
I left the Catholic church and started going to church where my wife was attending. She attended a full Gospel, non-denominational church. Fairly fundamental in a progressive sort of way. What progressive meant to them is that they liked modern instruments in their praise and worship. I liked this Church. It was different than the Catholic churches. There was activity, people seemed genuine, they really had a spirit and hunger for Christ. Now, remember that I had just come from a Catholic church. Just about anything would have seemed lively to me.
I also got saved at this church, I believe in the Bible and that it is the inerrant, inspired Word of God.
As part of my upbringing, and then re-enforced by the teachings of my church, I did not agree with the Gay/Homosexual lifestyle. Even though I was hiding my true self from most everybody else, I could stand on the sidelines and point at these easy targets.
Granted my view and stance toward Gays had moderated some over the years. My views had softened to the idea that I'll say that "I don't care what they do in the privacy of their own home", just so I could seem progressive and too uptight, but still being homo-phobic.
So narrow minded and certainly not Godly principled.
It hasn't been until these last couple of years that I have realized how wrong I was.
A couple of events and a few books; including more studying of the Bible, has shown me that my views were mis-guided.
On two occasions and by two different pastors during counseling; and one formerly very close friend, have I been grouped with the homosexuals.
Each time I bristled at the suggestion. "I am not gay" I told them.
And that wasn't the point of the counseling, either. Both pastors and my friend had missed the transgender mark by a country mile. The problem is that they are equating being Transgender with being Gay or Homosexual. Nearly everybody who isn't gay or Transgender will assume that their some element of homosexuality involved.
Let me repeat: Gender and Sex. Two different things.
I know what gender I am ( F ), I also know what gender I present as ( M mostly), I know what sex I'm attracted to. However, what sex I'll be attracted to once I have gender confirming surgery could possibly change, or it may not. In either case, I will probably run afoul of my own mis-guided God hates homosexuals view. How bad is it that I didn't chage my views regarding this until it directly affected me? Pretty bad, I think. I am however, trying to make it right, right now.
I have prayed so many times that God would move in my life in regards to my transgender feelings, that I become the man God intended me to be (as my wife says) (He hasn't) or that God give me a sign that the direction that I feel I must go is the correct one, or that he take my life because he knows that I cannot stand the pain (He hasn't) freeing me from the pain and spiritual confusion that I feel and the hurt that I will cause.
Now, not having a sign, healing, or deliverance and having woken up one more time as a person born with my physical gender not in sync with my conscious gender, I have come to the conclusion that this must be something that God has put in my lifes' path on purpose. It must be a gift or it might be akin to somebody else being born with any other physical problem that needs surgical correction.
What I'm saying is that I was born this way. Surprise. There has been nothing else in my life that has been as thoroughly examined as this.
What other logical or Spiritual explanation could their be?
I've read the Bible, I'm not a Bible scholar. There are many parts that I still need help understanding. What I do understand are the basic tenets of Christianity. Jesus was crucified, died, was buried and rose again so we could have everlasting life. And that we could live it more abundantly. God sent His only son to die for us. He loves us so much, God does not put these problems or gifts in our life's path to amuse Himself. He know when even a sparrow hit the ground. He silences the Angels to hear our pleas.
I'm not going to tell you I know why I am this way, what I have been trying to say is that to be a Christian and if I want love and acceptance and need to be able to give and show that to others, including Gays and Homosexuals.
I say this because, since I've recently started this road of transition, I've had the experience to meet many out Gay people. I've found out that I love each and every one of them. They are people just like you and me. The funny thing is that the LGB group are the only people who would give the T people the time of day. They allowed us to play in their reindeer games. They don't necessarily understand the "reindeer games" we are playing, but they loved us enough to bring us in and help us get organized. I saw how hypocritical my feelings and behavior had been.
There is a post that I just read that illustrates my feelings a lot better than I can. It is here: I'm Not One Of Them by Dr. Becky
God loves all of us, without exception, without fail and without apology. So should I.