Tragedy

Tragedy is when the woman i love decides to hate me when i stop living the big lie. What do I do? Do I stop loving her the way I want to be loved? I have given her unconditional love. I understand that some of the unconditional love I have given her has been with the hope that there would be some grace (ok, a lot) when and if the time came to take the steps toward becoming Caroline.
Would I love her if she came to me saying that she wanted to be a man? I'd try. What I've heard from her is no. There are two main reasons for her no and am certain they are non-negotiable.
This isn't meant to be a slam on her by any means. She has been married to me for 19 years knowing that the other shoe could drop at anytime. There is commitment there, but is it unconditional? Does a marriage need that? I think that it does.
One of the biggest reasons for her decision is religion. She believes that I wasn't created this way, that this is something that I could change on my own or with God's help if I was serious enough. She thinks that I am deceived by the devil. She believes that I lack the will power to stop this. (Please see previous post)
Another reason is that she isn't gay.
I can't argue or compete with this logic.
Is it nature, nurture or creation? I don't have a clue. Does it matter? God creates people with many physical and mental challenges, why would this be any different?
As for she not being gay, even I get confused by the orientation labels that society has. Would I be gay or straight? I know that whatever it turns out to be, I hope that I end up being able to love and be loved by a person who loves me for who I am, not what I had/have.