Fears distort reality

The vortex that I wrote so darkly about in my last post has weakened. I had a terrific visit with my Doctor yesterday. She is a most wonderful woman and is probably the only trans woman doctor in the V.A. and she is mine. The V.A., go figure, right? My entire care team there is wonderful, she is the icing on the cake.

The good doctor gave me a wonderful pep talk. She reminded me that the things I fear can distort my reality, Take a breather, she said. She also said that I'll do just fine.

Speaking of doing fine, if I can tread-jack my own post; She and I rode the same elevator going to this appointment (10 floors). I didn't know she was in the very back, while I was the last person to board en route. She watched me and studied. She also watched me as I went to check-in.
So, while we are talking about these fears, she mentioned watching me. She said that I'll do just fine, that my physical and non-physical characteristics will work in my favor. She mentioned only one thing I need to fix. I was surprised and have personally counted many, many things I need to fix. Thread-jack over.

My fears and emotional state were about the impact I'm having on my family."It will get better" wasn't the only thing she told me,  We also talked about the fact that transitioning is the best thing I can do for my family. Dying isn't going to help them or me. Over an hour of talking and reviewing of medical stuff. She cares and it shows. I know I've glossed over the issues with my family, I'll get to that in three more posts. (watch)

Back on track now; things will get better. Such a simple saying, yet it takes such willpower to believe & trust.
Things are bad, but they aren't as bad as the vortex my fears have created them to be. (got that?)

I'm thankful that I've got friends and family that love me and a health team @ the V.A. that truly cares. That being said, my wife and children do love me and care for me. They haven't accepted the changes, though. Acceptance might not happen. I sincerely want healing for my family situation and at least this way, there is hope that it can get better.

Thanks to my on-line family (may I?) for the prayers, and well wishes. I am touched by your care and concern. Again.